Beaty’s Blog

It is funny how certain lines of thinking seem to pop up very closely together. The relationship between confessing Christianity and living out Christianity has been on the forefront lately. I have read about it in books, had conversations with friends, heard sermons, and read about it in scripture. It just seems to be everywhere the past few weeks. Perhaps God is speaking. I propose the question, “Is it possible to be a nonpracticing Christian?” The gospel presented to me was that God saved me and forgives me no matter what. I don’t deny this, but I just don’t see it ever presented in this way. Its always that God saves us to do something. Romans even describes us as slaves to God. If we viewed ourselves as slaves to God how would that change the way that we lived? If Christianity was a verb would you be guilty of doing it?

Today I picked up a journal from three years ago. The entry I read was talking about Stephanie before she broke up with me and an internship that I was about to do in South Carolina. I closed by saying that I didn’t think that I would find myself doing conventional ministry. Three years later I am about to marry Stephanie and am working towards becoming an ordained minister in the United Methodist Church. I really didn’t see either of those coming. I really haven’t seen much of anything that has happened in my life over the past three years coming. Its kinda scary and a little exciting. At one time I didn’t think that Stephanie and I would ever even talk again. Plans are good, but I am a little skeptical if they will work out when you are trying to follow God. Maybe its better to have a general direction that you want to go and be able to leave a little or a lot of wiggle room.

What is the heart? I recently wrote about 8 pages for ordination. When I sent it to my mentor he told me that I need to make certain sections more from the heart. I totally agree with him. It just seems so hard these past couple years. With school I live in the realm of the head. Papers are not supposed to have “I’s” and “We’s” in them. I am reporting on something I have learned, not experienced. Perhaps experience is the road to the heart. I really don’t know. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get “from the head to the heart,” let me know.

I recently started using the Daily Office to supplement my devotional time. This is a tool usually used by more liturgical traditions. It contains opening prayers, confession, scripture reading, a time for personal prayers and supplications for others, and a benediction. Ideally it is done in a community, but quite handy for personal use. On my own I realize that there are lots of things that I leave out. I hardly ever confess to God. My prayers tend to be a little repetitious. I hardly every pray for other nations, let alone denominations. The daily office helps me with these things and helps remind me that I am part of the Universal Catholic church. I feel connected when I read prayers by St. Chrysostom or St. Francis. If you want to check it out there is a helpful website, http://www.missionstclare.com/, for any that want to try it out. Blessings.

I’ve noticed a trend or cycle.  It seems that I am constantly dissatisfied with some aspect of my life.  I  believe this to be normal for most people.  We always want to be better at something.  After a while the want or maybe even the motivation to change this area of life seems to wane.  Eventually it is accepted and not really an issue.  I recognize that I don’t like something, but eventually it becomes a part of me and my identity.  In the mean time I am constantly being transformed in good ways.  I am much brighter and wiser than ever before.  I understand God’s call on my life better than every before.  I am further along the path of God’s purpose for me than ever before.  I am simultaneously becoming better while becoming worse.  Its a very disturbing cycle.  I find it interesting that the last century has been the bloodiest ever.  More people died in war than ever before.  There has also be more Christian martyrs than every before.  It is modern thought that gave rise to Hitler and Stalin and such philosophies as nihilism and the postmoder critique of objective truth.  It is modern science that invented the nuclear bomb.  Simultaneously there is also more Christians than ever before.  Society is has become much better in providing basic needs for all of humanity (we still have a long way to go).  Science has been able to prolong almost anyone’s life to 70+.  Are we becoming, better or worse?

I just finished watching the inauguration.  It doesn’t matter what your personal opinions are of Obama, one can not help but marvel at the fact that an African American is president.  Within some peoples’ lifetime they participating in the MLK protests and witnessed today’s inauguration.  Its awe inspiring.  It makes me think of how welcome an African American pastor would be in many of today’s congregations.  Something to think about.

For the past two years I have looked forward to mid Dec.  This is the time that I get two months off from school.  I remember last year the freedom that I felt.  It was as if a giant burden was lifted off of me.  This year is not the case.  I don’t really feel any relief.  It may because my grades are not in yet.  It may be bc I have to start working on some things now to get ready for next semester. All I can think about is what I need and could do for my jobs, school, wedding, etc..  I just feel drained.  There just seems to be so much stuff going on.  Saying that makes me think of the amount of people that echo my sentiments. Everyone is busy.   Perhaps we are all too busy.  I guess it is the culture.   We are always jumping from one project to another under the functional assumption that constant productivity or busyness will lead to fulfillment, nirvana, paradise, or whatever else heaven is for you and me.  The funny thing is that my happiest times in life are moments when “time” and “productivity” are not factors.  Maybe we are too worried about what “it” can be in life.  The obsession with progress robs us of the ability to see beauty here and now.   Who seriously is able to be in a moment and enjoy it for what it is?  I know I can’t, but I’d like to learn.

Well, I am on the road to marriage.  Wooooooooohoooooooo!  I still have about 10 months to go.  We are looking at the end of August.  If I had it my way we would just go to the justice of the peace then spend all of the money on an awesome honeymoon.  We could then have a big party when we got back.  Stephanie wants to have a wedding and I want to make her happy, so we will have a wedding. Besides, waiting about 10 months gives me the opportunity to make sure that I am ready for marriage.  I hear it is a pretty large change.  Its scary and exciting to think that in a few short years I could have a family of my own.  In many ways I still feel like an adolescent struggling to just take care of myself.  I can’t even keep my room clean.  God Bless Stephanie.  She will need it.  She has no idea of how much of a mess I am.  I suppose that God will grant us the grace we need at any moment to somehow partake of the miracle of marriage.  It is only in Christ that two totally different sinners could become one flesh in order to worship God.  Interesting and beautiful times ahead.

I have been listening to a lecture series on Francis Schaeffer.  I finished up the first set of lectures which is about 18hrs. or so.  I am blown away by the practical faith that him and his wife, Edith, had.  I am also more convinced than ever that those which God chooses to do the mightiest works of all, will also be called to give the greatest sacrifice of all.  On would think that God pours out financial and material blessings on those which he calls to do great works.  This is simply not the case.  In many ways Christianity is the way of pain.  If my Lord suffered and all of his earliest followers did also, what else should we expect.  A teacher once told me that God has no hesitation in dragging his prophets through mud.  If you read this, please for Jesus’ sake do not watch so called Christian television. There is way more bad than good.  I have never heard a message on the way of suffering on TV.  It is always the formula:  a(something you give) + B (some bogus spiritual law) = Health, Wealth, and Wisdom.  If that was the case that we should probably join another faith because this message sure didn’t seem to work for the primary writer of the New Testament, Paul, let alone our God, Jesus.   The Schaeffers prayed that they would have to be totally dependent on God and He blessed them in such a way that all of their needs, direction, comfort, and future were.  The anxiety and suffering that they undertook left no room for trust in anything other but him. May God Bless me in the same way.

When I was younger, maybe 7 or so, I played baseball. Keep in mind that I was not the pristine athlete back then as I am now.  I was a little chubby with big thick glasses (kind of like now, right?). I usually found my spot on the team in right field or on the bench.  One day the coach was throwing the ball with me a little harder than I could handle, but for the most part I held my own but barely.  I remember him throwing the ball and me putting the glove in front of my face to catch it.  The problem was that my glove was not quite high enough and the ball smacked me in the eye, leaving me with a cut that required three stitches.  I reflect upon that day and wonder what went wrong. From my perspective I could have blamed myself for not practicing more.  I could have blamed the coach for throwing the ball so hard to a non-athletic right fielder.  The coach could have blamed himself.  It one was really desperate, the blame could be fixed on the thick glasses that gave me the cut above my left eye instead of a bump on the head.  I reflect back and think, “Did it really matter who was to blame?”  In the end I was a little wiser about the physics of hard white balls with red stitching little boy’s heads.  God is not calling us to worry about the blame.  That’s his job.  I am assured that He is perfectly capable, not matter how poor of a job I might think He is doing.  His children are called to live. In the end it will all work out. I am amazed almost daily of how unclear my perspective is on situations and how wrong I am usually.  No matter how correct we believe our perspectives to be, it is important to remember that His is a little higher and impeccably clear.